you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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