God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
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