I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
