It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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