billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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