Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
operation have a gay friend backfired
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
