My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
