Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize