i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
