im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
