we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
