I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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