I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
its liver damage thursday
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
