FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
