yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i just google imaged poop.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
