Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
