so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
it's like heaven, but drunker
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
