i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
