Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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