No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
