why didn't you poke me back
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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