God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
