Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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