we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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