After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
