oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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