Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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