we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i now understand why vodka
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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