I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
