Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
