On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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