im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
