i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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