your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
