sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
