Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
