Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I have fence marks all over my body
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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