you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
