im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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