sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
is wine microwaveable?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
