I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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