and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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