Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
