State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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