I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I will be naked everywhere
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
