Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
What drink are we having for lunch?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
