I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize