Kareoke will never be a sober sport
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
