if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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