i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
