Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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