First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
