I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
