You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
