just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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