Me too!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
