that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
