Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
