hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
