you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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