did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
