So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
