So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
