I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
