Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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