Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
