you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
