that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
