So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
is wine microwaveable?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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